Thursday, May 13, 2010

Why can't I live my life like I want to?

It's been a long time since my last post here.. I have some complications with some people who claimed to be my "friend" but acting like assholes.. The one that I hate the most has to be the hypocrites.. pretending to care for others. I actually don't really care about them, I never think of them as my friend anymore but I never told them that.. I never did anything to clarify that they're less than anything that I care about. I let the doors open for them.. I can be cruel but for what? I will not gain anything from being cruel.. I can forgive but to forget about things like that is like I don't have any dignity. We learn from mistakes and certain occasion.. the events that we will remember the most is the ones that affected us emotionally or physically. We may call it trauma but what's the point of continuing this life when you don't learn from that? For example, you know a man who continuously borrow cash from others including you but never pay for it.. would you lend money to him again? Most will refuse and others will lend but with reasons.. but lets say that there's no reason whatsoever? Of course no one will lend any money to him again.. It's the way of living.. It's the way of growing.. We learn from that and we will be aware of things like that in the future. Same goes to that so-called friends of mine. They did something that hurt me a lot.. not once, not twice.. I always let the doors open for them and I always insist that they tell me everything thats bothering them.. related to me of course.. but their stupidity is just unbelievable!! Imagine this, I'm sitting in the living room playing with my laptop without bothering anyone.. and suddenly someone told me that I'm in a bad mood or I'm angry with some friend.. WTF!! I'm just minding my own business damn it!! I'm sitting quietly is a sign of anger to someone?? sign of bad mood?? well congratulation to whoever figure that out just by looking at me sitting down playing with my laptop.. you must but a psychic or something because I am angry, I am in a bad mood.. not while sitting down and minding my own business but after knowing the stupid accusation. I am nobody! Why bother figuring out what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling?? I'm not bothering you!!

The quality of friends I want is not the kind who wants to know everything about me.. because I'm not gonna marry my friends! The one who should know everything about me is my future wife.. Friends, I know you care.. but if you really think that you're doing a good thing as a friend, think again.. What do you want from me? I have nothing for you.. Why do you care about what I feel? .. and towards you?? please.. you're not that important to me.. Friends will be friends, I'm very picky when it comes to friends.. the one I kept close to me is the one that can understand me and I can understand them.. I love my old friends because I know they understand.. they don't bother much.. none of us does.. we live in reality.. we know it's useless to say anything when we're far from each other.. that's why whenever we meet, we always have a good time together.. When we're not together, we live our life the way we want it to. We don't alter each other's ambition and we do help each other occasionally .. we don't push each other. When you know your friend got a commitment, give them room.. especially when it's personal. If they really want your help, they will ask you to help. If they don't then don't butt in because if you do, you're jeopardizing the friendship you have. For me thats how friends should be.

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